First Step
by DySolo
Summary: L/R DB series. Number 8. Spencer calls Lila after the events of 2x18 "Jones". Spoilers up to 2x18.
1. Chapter 1

****

Title: First Step (1 of ?)  
**Pairing: Lila/Reid**  
**Rating: T  
Summary: Spencer calls Lila after the events of 2x18 "Jones"  
****Author's Notes: Eighth in Deal Breaker Series. Follows Safely, Coming Home, Pain in the Past, Lean on Me, Courageous, Aftermath and Sorrow. Safely is rated definitely M for sexual scenes and doesn't have to read to understand the story. All others are more necessary and not rated as high.**

* * *

Spencer drops his keys on the table near the door before making his way to the couch. He sniffs, wiping his nose. He hasn't used since before Ethan's show and his hands are starting to shake. He knows the signs of withdrawal and knows what to expect, even if he can't believe that he had ever taken enough to get addicted. He rubs his hands together before grabbing the phone, dialing a familiar number.

"Ms. Archer's phone." It's Linda, her agent. He licks his lips, he should hang up. It was a bad idea to call. Plus if it's Linda, that means Lila's most likely busy with something work related. He shouldn't interrupt that.

"It's a 571 area code." He hears Linda speak and there's some shuffle.

"Spencer?" It's Lila, a little breathless. He stays silent, unsure of what to say now. He shouldn't have called. This was a very bad idea.

"Are you okay?" She asks and he closes his eyes.

"No." He hears himself say before sighing. He wasn't okay, though. He was far from okay.

"What's wrong, Spencer? Is everyone okay? Did something happen?"

He sniffles again and wipes his nose. He was already feeling sick. He could fix it. He could use, instead he speaks. "I… I did something really bad, Lila."

There's a long pause and he thinks he hears a door close. "What happened, baby?"

His jaw clenches at the term of endearment. "I… I'm struggling."

He can't make himself say the words and Lila doesn't understand.

"Struggling? What's going on, Spence?"

"I need… I need help." He breathes out, his free hand moving to scratch as his inner elbow.

There's another long pause. "I'll be there in a couple hours ago? I'm on the next flight."

"No." He opens his eyes. Is that what he wanted? He didn't even know why he had called. He sighed.

"Lila…I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Spence. I should be the one who's sorry. I broke your-"

"I've been shooting up." He says, lowly and he hears her inhale sharply.

"You.. what?"

"Dilaudid. I… I've been using drugs."

"I…okay. Okay. I.. I have to go, Spencer."

"Lila-"

"I'll be there soon, okay? I just.. I can't… I can't talk to you right now."

"You're still coming?" He says, softly.

"Yes. Yes, I'm still coming. I just… Bye, Spencer."

She hangs up before he can say goodbye. He closes the phone before resting his hands and phone in his hands.

****

Criminal Minds || First Step

Lila closes the phone before taking a deep breath. She opens it again, dialing a number.

"Jareau."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Excuse me, who is this?"

"Who do you think this is, JJ. Spencer's on DRUGS? You didn't think that you should have told me that when I called and asked how he was?"

"I… Lila, It's not-"

"He's on drug-store HEROIN, JJ. You can't miss that! Even if he's a certified-" She growls, unable to finish her sentence.

"It wasn't our place to… He went through a lot." JJ tries to reason.

"And that gives him a right to shoot up? You're supposed to be his family! You're supposed to be there for him!"

"Says the woman who dumped him in a hospital bed! I don't see how you have any right to talk, Lila Archer. I've read the magazines lately, going out to clubs and taking home guys. But you supposedly love him, right?"

Lila clenches her jaw, ignoring JJ's statement completely. "I'm coming down to Virginia, and you better not let me see you or any of Spencer's so-called family, do you understand me? Definitely not you. You're supposed to be his-" She stops and shakes her head. "Goodbye, JJ."

"Lila-"

She hangs up before putting the phone down a little harder than she attended. There's a knock, but she ignores it, rubbing her hands over her face. She had been in the business long enough to see how the lifestyle could overtake someone. She had seen friends die because of meth addiction and fighting to stay skinny enough. She never thought she'd have to see Spencer Reid fight with something like this. There's another knock and Linda opens the door.

"Chris is ready for you, Lila."

"I can't." She stays, not turning around. "I have to get to Virginia."

"Virginia? What? For that man? Lila, this is your big break! You get this part and your name will be everywhere. You won't be able to go anywhere without hearing about Lila Archer."

"I can't, Linda. Ask him to reschedule. I have to go."

"Re- You can't ask Christopher Harris to reschedule. His last picture was at the number one at the box office for 6 weeks, Lila. It beat that little pop-stars movie."

Lila breathes out. She knows this. She knows all of this. She knows that if she could have gotten this role, and there was a very good chance she would have, that she would have been able to get off the damn tv show, but this was Spencer… and he needed help. She bows her head. She never thought she'd to be this position, picking a boy over her career. She takes another deep breath before raising her head up. She turns to face Linda, putting her strong face on. "There will be other roles. My friend needs me."

She walks past the woman, who looks flabbergasted. Lila's assistant, Dante, stands up and Lila smiles at him. "Can you drive me to the airport?"

He looks confused, looking over to Linda before at Lila. "Of course, Little."

"Lila, you're making a huge mistake." Linda calls out, but Lila ignores her, stepping into the car.

Dante looks over the seat. "You okay?"

She wipes her eyes before smiling. "Of course. Just drive, Tay."

He looks at her for a few seconds longer before turning around and starting the car. She wipes her eyes again, trying to stop the tears that have started. It's the first time she's cried since leaving the Georgia hospital and she doesn't want to start now, but she can't help it. The tears continue to come over everything that had happened in the last year. She thought about how she was stuck on a TV show she hated and was now, going to be stuck on it even longer. She thought about her relationship with Spencer, a man who risked his life everyday with his job and now was killing himself with a drug. She wasn't sure how she had even got here. When she had graduated from Juilliard, she had planned to star in a some big-time movies until she had a good amount of cash to move back to New York and do some Broadway shows while living in Greenwich Village, maybe starting a family and being happy. What had happened to that?


	2. Chapter 2

****

Title: First Step (2 of ?)  
**Pairing: Lila/Reid**  
**Rating: T  
Summary: Spencer calls Lila after the events of 2x18 "Jones"  
****Author's Notes: Eighth in Deal Breaker Series. Follows Safely, Coming Home, Pain in the Past, Lean on Me, Courageous, Aftermath and Sorrow. Safely is rated definitely M for sexual scenes and doesn't have to read to understand the story. All others are more necessary and not rated as high.**

* * *

Spencer opens the door and lowers his eyes, immediately when he sees Lila. He's shaking more and sweating.

"You didn't have to come." He says, quietly.

She doesn't say anything, just moves inside. She looks around before turning back to him. She looks at him, noticing the obvious signs of withdrawal and clenches her jaw, unsure if she wants to pull him in her arms and cry or slap him and scream at him.

"I… you need to sit and listen to me, because I'm going to be very angry at you for a few minutes and I'm going to yell. I know it's selfish and not what you need right now, but… I have to do this before I can do that, alright?"

He raises his eyes to look at her, noticing her eyes are red. He moves to the couch, sits with his hands clasped together, trying to hide the fact they're shaking before he nods.

She nods and breathes in. "What in the world made it seem okay to do drugs?" She says, trying to remain calm.

"I was-"

"No. You don't speak right now. You are way too smart to do something so incredibly stupid and I don't want to hear your excuses. I don't know what happened to you in Georgia and honestly, I don't think I can handle knowing. I know it was bad and that you suffered, but drugs, Spencer? Really? After everything we've been through, everything we've shared and talked about! I know you're smarter than that. You survived Georgia, for what? To kill yourself? Do you know how many people I've seen die from this shit? How many people I've seen wilt away because they couldn't get passed finding their next hit?"

"I'm not-"

"I said don't talk."

He closes his mouth and waits. She breathes out and shakes her head.

"You. You are so very dumb and I am beyond pissed at you, do you understand that?"

He stares, unsure of whether to answer or not.

"But… you called me to help you, so… I'm going to push that aside and all the dumb things you did and realize that you're trying to fix that. And I'm going to help, but you have to promise me that if you even think about this again, you call me before you do it so we can do something, something better than this."

He nods, slowly. He opens his mouth but closes it, eyes falling downward and just nods. She smiles, sadly, and reaches out to touch him. Her hand moves across his cheek, he's warmer than normal and sweating, and he moves into her touch, eyes closed. She tries to keep her breathing normal, but her eyes mist a little.

"I was so scared, Spence."

He raises his hand to hers, his thumb caressing the top of her hand. "I'm okay. I'm going to be okay."

She knows that he can beat this. The fact that he's sitting here shaking and sweating proves to her that he hasn't used in a while. She combs her fingers through his hair. "Where are the drugs?" She asks.

He breathes out, "They're in my bag. At the office. I… if I brought it home…"

She nods, knowing he doesn't want to finish the sentence. "And that's all you have."

He bites at his bottom lip and looks aside, a clear no. She grabs his chin, making him look at her. "Where are the others, Spencer?"

He tries to pull back, but she holds him tight. He closes his eyes again.

"There's nothing else."

She nods, letting him go and making her way to the bathroom. He watches her before standing up.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Nothing, go sit down." She says.

He studies her for a second, his hand moving to scratch at his inner elbow and for the first time, she sees him as a junkie. "There's nothing else here, I promise."

She nods, watching him. She knows there's other drugs here. She tries to not let it affect her that he's lying to her. He moves to stand in front of her, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom. She assumes she made the right guess they were in his bathroom, somewhere.

"There's nothing in there."

She nods again. "Okay, Spence. I believe you."

He studies her face, trying to see if she's lying. They both know she's an actress with talent. She can tell he's unsure, unable to see if she's lying or not. He doesn't move. She takes a step towards him.

"Spence, we're not going to get through these next few days without trust, right? You trust me, don't you?"

He swallows before looking over his shoulder. He turns back to her and nods. She smiles, caressing his cheek again.

"Good, because I trust you and I know that you wouldn't lie to me. You called me to help you, right?"

Again, he nods. Again, she smiles.

"Right, so I'm just going to go to the bathroom, wash my face and then we'll… talk some more, alright?"

He looks a little more sure and moves away from the frame. "Okay." He says, softly. She pats his cheek and slips past him, closing and locking the door as she does so.

She breathes out, leaning against the door, trying to control her emotions. He was addicted, he wasn't himself. He was just trying to save the drugs so he could use again. Once she's sure she's not going to lose it, she straightens and looks around, trying to figure out where Spencer would hide the drugs. She checks his medical cabinet first, but nothing's there but over the counter medications and shaving stuff. She smiles when she sees a straight razor and shaving brush along with an electric razor. She had only seen him use the latter, but the fact he had a straight razor made sense. She closes the cabinet before looking around the bathroom. It wasn't that big of a bathroom. Her eyes move up and sees a vent. She steps on the seat and reaches for it, it's loose. Pushing it aside, Lila reaches around and finds the two vials. She fixes the vent before she moves down, sitting on the seat as she stares at the drugs in her hand. She thought it would look more dangerous than a clear liquid in a glass bottle. She wants to smash it, throw it against the floor in anger and sadness and everything. Instead, she just stares at them for a moment before standing up. She tries to unscrew the lid, but it doesn't budge, so she cracks it against the side of the sink and lets it drip. The noise gets the attention of the man outside and Spencer knocks.

"Is everything okay?"

She cracks the other before answering. "Nothing. I'll be out in a second."

She wraps the empty vials in toilet paper before tossing them in the trash. She flushes for effect and washes her hands before walking out. She sees him look up at the vent before giving her a fake smile. He's shed his button-up while she was in the bathroom and now stands in front of her in a black t-shirt that's almost soaked.

"God, Spence, how did you get here?"

She reaches out, pushing his hair out of his face. "What happened in Georgia?"

He pulls away from her, his hands rubbing up and down his arms. "Now you want to know?"

"I just want to know why you'd think this was the right thing to do?"

"You didn't care before." He says as he moves to the couch, pulling the blanket around him.

"I always cared, Spence. That wasn't -"

"You don't leave because you care about. You don't just walk away from the people who need you."

She watches as he shivers under the blanket. He looks so young at the moment and she wonders how his dad could ever leave the even younger version of him. She doesn't know how he even could say anything to the boy, she couldn't. She just watches him, wondering how she was going to get through this without falling completely apart.


	3. Chapter 3

****

Title: First Step (3 of ?)  
**Pairing: Lila/Reid**  
**Rating: T  
Summary: Spencer calls Lila after the events of 2x18 "Jones"  
****Author's Notes: Eighth in Deal Breaker Series. Follows Safely, Coming Home, Pain in the Past, Lean on Me, Courageous, Aftermath and Sorrow. Safely is rated definitely M for sexual scenes and doesn't have to read to understand the story. All others are more necessary and not rated as high.  
Author's Notes (part deux): I have never experienced withdrawal personally, but have seen others go through it. Still, I am unsure how this works for everyone. The main withdrawal symptoms for Dilaudid withdrawal is that similar to heroin and includes (but not limited to) vomitting, restlessness, insomnia, cold sweats, etc etc. Withdrawal is very violent on the body, definitely with drugs like Heroin and Dilaudid and can cause emotional stresses and changes that would not normally occur in the 'real' personality, I guess is a way to put it. I can only assume that it seriously sucks.**

* * *

She waits outside the bathroom, listening to him retch. It's not the first time and she knows it won't be the last. He stops and she knocks, but the doors not locked. She wait's a few seconds before entering. He's curled around the toilet, still shivering and shaking. She runs her hand down his back.

"Come on, Spence. Let's get you in bed."

"No." He groans. "I don't want to move. It hurts to move."

"I know, beautiful, but if you sleep, you'll feel better."

"I'll feel better if you just give me-"

"No. You're not getting any drugs."

"I need it, Lila. I need it." He cries and she clenches her jaw at the desperateness in his voice.

"You don't need it, Spencer. You know that. You know how your brain works, you know how this works."

He stares at her helplessly before resting his head on his hands. She rubs his back as he shakes.

"C'mon, let's go to bed."

He nods and she helps him up, walking with him to the bedroom. He falls on the bed and tugs off his shirt and begins on his pants. She looks away until he's under the blankets. She kisses his cheek and starts to leave when he grabs her wrist.

"Don't go."

She sits on the edge of the bed, his arm moves around her waist and pulls her closer, snuggling his face into her skin.

"Please don't go."

Her hand moves to his hair. "I'm not going anywhere, Spence."

****

Criminal Minds || First Step

She wakes up, snuggled into his chest. He smells like sweat and Irish Spring soap and before her mind realizes exactly where she's at, her fingers run up his chest as her lips graze against his neck. He shivers as she opens her eyes. He's still pale. He's still going through withdrawals. She pulls back, embarrassed.

"Sorry, I…" She stops herself, re-concentrates. "How are you feeling?"

He moves to his side, looking at her. "I'm feeling better than yesterday." He says, softly, his eyes studying her. He looks more like himself. He does look better.

She raises her hand to his cheek, forehead. He's still a little warm, still sweating. He's staring at her, intensely, making her feel a little warm herself.

"You forgot where you were." He says. "You snuggled up to me, ran your hands over my chest….kissed me."

"I…I said I was sorry."

"You still like me."

"I, uh.. I don't see how that's relevant right now. We're not… This is about you getting better, not… not us."

He reaches out and caresses her cheek, fingers moving over her skin to her neck, her eyes closing at the contact. "Spence…" She breathes out.

He moves closer and kisses her. She reaches out, grabbing at his skin as she kisses him back, hard. He pulls back first, looking pale and before she realizes what exactly is happening, he's rushing to the bathroom, dry heaving.

She lays on her back, trying to get her breathing under control. "Way to kill the moment, Spence."

After a few minutes, she gets up and makes her way to the bathroom. She knocks. "Spence."

"Go away." He mutters.

"Spence, I'm not… It's fine."

He doesn't say anything and she enters the bathroom. He's sitting, resting his head on his hands, foot bobbing up and down in a rapid succession.

"Spence."

"I didn't.."

"Hey, you didn't throw up on me, I say we're good."

He raises his head to look at her, mortified. She smirks.

"Would it help if I told you that when Dante and I were in college, that he got so drunk that he actually tried to kiss me and puked on my shoes instead."

"No." He mutters.

She smiles and runs her fingers through his hair. "We're okay, but… I mean, we can't…."

"I know. You don't want me."

"It's not that, Spence. Even if… I mean, I do… but right now, you have to work on your recovery and us starting over again isn't… You need to worry about you for right now."

"But you still like me?"

She smiles at the look on his face before she leans over and kisses his cheek. "Of course, I still like you, cutie. Now, let's go get some food in you, it'll help."

He grunts. "No. I don't want to regurgitate any more solid foods."

"You can regurgitate soup then."

He makes a face, but follows.

****

Criminal Minds || First Step

He's getting worse, she can tell how he paces, licking his lip before chewing at the bottom one. His arms over his torso, hands gripping at his shirt, that's drenched. He's talking to himself, muttering things she can't recognize from here. He keeps looking at the door, as if he wants to leave, get to the BAU and get his bag. He continues to pace though, his mind clear enough to know how wrong it is. She knew that he would probably end up getting worse, it had only been a day, but she had hoped it would have gone easier for him. He starts to the door and she makes her way to get there in front of him.

"Lila." He says, sounding kind of shocked and annoyed.

"You're not going anywhere, Spence."

"I have to get to work. My team-"

"Your team is fine. I called JJ when you were sleeping, she told Hotch you had the flu."

"But I… I have to go there. I have to get my files. I have to finish the files so I can-"

"It can wait."

"It can't wait! It can't!" He screeches.

"Spencer, it's going to be okay." She tries to sound as comforting as she can.

"It's not going to be okay. It's not. I can't think! I can't think, Lye. All I…It's…"

She reaches out and he pulls back. "Don't touch me."

She pulls her hand away in surrender. "Okay, okay. I'm not going to."

She watches as he begins to pace again before he sits down on the couch, rocking. His hands move to his head, grabbing at his skull.

Lila watches, breath stuck in her throat, before she walks towards him. She reaches out again, trying to comfort him. His fingers wrap around her wrist tightly. "I said, don't touch me."

She breathes out. "Spencer, I know that you're-"

"You don't know anything, Lila. You don't know what this feels like."

She nods. "Y-you're right. I don't know what its like to go through what you're going through, right now, but…I-I know, that for someone who… I'm just trying to help, Spence."

He raises his eyes to her. "then let me go to the office. I just need to get my bag."

"I..I can't do that, Spence."

His jaw clenches, his fingers around her wrist tightening around her wrist.

"You're going through the worst of it right now, Spence, but it'll get better. You just got to…calm down a little, okay? You know that it's not going to be like this for long, just…just let go of my wrist, alright. You're… you're hurting me."

At the words, he immediately lets go, his eyes going wide. "Lye, I'm…"

She rubs her wrist and shakes her head. "It's fine, Spence. It's okay."

It's not okay to him though, his breathing gets even more erratic. "I didn't mean to."

"I know, Spence, I know."

"I…I…"

She reaches out again for him, a little hesitantly and he notices, pulling back, moving to the bathroom. She sighs and follows him, but this time he's locked the door. She knocks.

"Spence, I'm fine. C'mon, open up. I'm okay."

"Leave me alone."

She sighs, leaning against the door. She had taken out the trash while he slept too, there was nothing in there that he could get into. Still, she couldn't leave him. She slides down the frame of the door, sitting on the floor, waiting.


	4. Chapter 4

****

Title: First Step (4 of 4)  
**Pairing: Lila/Reid**  
**Rating: T  
Summary: Spencer calls Lila after the events of 2x18 "Jones"  
****Author's Notes: Eighth in Deal Breaker Series. Follows Safely, Coming Home, Pain in the Past, Lean on Me, Courageous, Aftermath and Sorrow. Safely is rated definitely M for sexual scenes and doesn't have to read to understand the story. All others are more necessary and not rated as high.  
**

* * *

She stretches out her legs after a few hours. She knocks on the bathroom, but he doesn't answer.

"I'm not mad, Spence." She tries. "I know you didn't mean to."

She rests her head against the frame as he doesn't say anything. The water turns on though and she closes her eyes for a few seconds, exhausted. It had been close to 48 hours since he had used and she felt years older. She gets to her feet and stretches before moving towards the couch. She thinks about turning on the tv, but wants to be able to hear Spencer if something happens. She rests her feet on his coffee table, trying to get a little comfortable. She pulls the blanket he's been using around her. It smells like sweat and Spencer and in some way, calms her. He will get better, she knows that. She just wish that he was better now. She wants to go home and sulk instead of being here, so close, wanting to be with him and not being able to because of her own insecurities, own stupidity. She thinks about the kiss they had shared this morning. She had enjoyed it, she had wanted more. He still cared about her and she loved him. But was that enough? Could get passed her feelings of fear? Did it even matter, what she had told him earlier was still true. He needed to focus on getting better. He needed to focus on beating his addiction.

She hears the water turn off and a few minutes later, the door opens. She turns to see him walk out of the bathroom in a towel, moving straight to the bedroom. He returns in basketball shorts - she didn't even know he had a pair of shorts - and a tshirt from the Academy. He looks in her direction before moving to his office.

"Spence, please. Come talk to me. We need to…. We have to talk about this."

He pauses at the door of his office and she holds her breath. He looks down at his feet before moving into his office. She sighs and leans her head back to the back of the couch.

****

Criminal Minds || First Step

She wakes up hours later and looks around. The office door is still closed and she gets up to go check on him. Luckily, it's unlocked. She peaks in to see him, head on the desk. As she gets closer, she sees he's asleep, pen still in his hand. She smiles, moving the pen when the papers on the desk get her attention. They aren't work files or academic in nature. They're just writings. She chews on her lip, unsure if she should look at them. She knows that he still writes to his mother and doesn't want to intrude on their communication, but she spots her name and her curiosity overwhelms her. She looks at him as she pulls out on the papers and begins to read.

It's fractured thoughts, anything and everything. He starts thoughts and then changes to about the pain he feels. He talks about anger and grief and Hankel and then move to how he feels about the team, and his dad. He talks about Gideon and then her and then Tobias and the guilt he feels for killing him. It's powerful and broken. It hurts her to read it. She sets it back down before turning her attention to him. She rubs his shoulder.

"C'mon, Spence. Let's get you in bed."

He wakes easily and pulls away from her, her touch. He stays in his seat though. She smiles at him.

"Hey sleepy head."

He just stares and her smile falters a little.

"Hey, it's okay. Look at me, I'm okay, right?"

His eyes move to her wrist and she raises her hand to his cheek, giving him a complete view.

"See, I'm okay. No bruising or anything. I'm fine." She brushes his hair behind his ear. He's tense, but not moving. Finally, his hand moves and his fingers brush against her wrist.

"I'm so sorry." He says, hoarsely. "I… I…"

"Shh." She hushes him, running her fingers through his hair. "It's okay."

"It's not okay." He says, shaking his head. "I never have the right to do that. Never, no matter what."

She doesn't say anything, watching him as he continues to shake his head.

"I shouldn't have done that. I lost… I wasn't in control."

"I know, Spence, It's okay."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to.."

"I'm not hurt, Spence. You didn't hurt me. I'm okay."

His fingers brush against her wrist and she moves and grabs his hand. "Look at me."

His eyes raise slightly. She smiles when he sees his eyes.

"I am okay and you're going to get better. I know that you would never hurt me, Spencer, I know that."

He finally locks eyes with her at her words.

"I didn't mean-"

"Shh, I know, baby. I know."

He rests his head in her lap and she keeps a hold of his hand while moving the other to his hair.

****

Criminal Minds || First Step

The next couple days pass without incident and when she wakes up for the fifth morning in his bed, she's alone. She rubs her eyes as she sits up.

"Hey." He says as he comes through the door with a tray in his hands. She watches him as he sits next to her, looking at the tray.

"Spence… you shouldn't have."

He shrugs, embarrassed. "It's the least I could do. You've been taking care of me…it's my turn."

She smiles as she looks at the waffles and fruit. "I took care of you because I wanted to, not because I thought I was going to get anything in return."

"Well, then, I made you breakfast because I wanted to, not because of I thought you needed anything in return for taking care of me."

She stares at him before shaking her head. "Thank you."

He nods and she watches him for a second. His coloring is back to normal and he's not sweating. He still hasn't shaven, but the look is growing on her. He's kind of got the scraggly hippy look down. She chuckles at the thought and he wrinkles his nose.

"What? I only had strawberries. I didn't know if you liked them, but I thought-"

"No, they're great. You're great. I was just… It's nothing."

He frowns, looking at the plate, before he starts to pick at his fingernails.

"Spence, really. I was just thinking that you looked good with facial hair."

He scrunches his nose again, his hand wandered to his cheek to scratch. "it itches, but I… my hands still have a tremor occasionally and I don't want to cut myself."

She takes a bite while he takes, nodding while chewing. "I think you should keep it. You look manly."

She watches him as he tries to figure out if he should take offense to it before she toes his knee and winks.

"Here, have a bite." She holds out a piece for him and smiles he takes it.

"It's pretty good, huh?" She says as he chews. She gets herself another bite as he swallows, his fingers moving over her foot.

"So… I guess, now that I'm okay, you'll.. You'll be heading home?"

She frowns. She hadn't thought about that. The show had finished filming for the season and she had thrown her chance at working on the film of her dreams away. She didn't really have any plans. She takes another bite, in attempt to not have to answer. She knows she can't stay here. They weren't together and being near him would be bad. She'd end up doing something that she could regret.

"Yeah. I…. I promise Dante we'd head to New York to look at galleries. He's trying to sell some of his art, you know?" She lies and he nods, not looking up. She pokes his knee with her toe again.

"But hey, you know that you can call me whenever you need anything, if you're thinking about using and I'll be here as fast as I can."

He nods, still not looking up.

"Spencer." She says, moving the trail and moving closer to him, to grab his chin and make him look at her. "Whether we're together or not, you're one of my best friends. I'm not going to walk out of your life."

"You never even called before." He says, looking at her. " Not once."

She bites at her bottom lip. He had a point. She had wanted to, but she had figured it was best not to. "Well that was… I thought… It's different now."

"Because I'm an addict." He says, self-depreciatingly.

"Because I was dumb, okay? I thought that I could just walk away, but I know now that I need you in my life."

She sees a hint of a smile and pats his cheek. "You need me too, right?"

He nods, slightly. "I need you too."

She smiles. "Good, good. Then it's settled."

He licks his lips and looks away. "It's settled."


End file.
